Breaking the Ice

OK, I've had enough of winter already. Enough snow, enough ice, enough cold to last me until next winter and beyond. I think one of the reasons I loathe winter is because of all those years I spent in New England. In my family's region of Maine, the ground is covered with snow from early December until well into April. I never knew that one could actually thirst for the green of grass and leaves until the spring after our first winter in Maine. After I moved back to New Jersey in 1987, I felt like it took me several years just to thaw out.

Speaking of thawing out, I decided it was time to make contact with Tab's mother again. We have not heard from her since she stormed out of here on New Year's Eve. Tab was so angry with her that he hasn't bothered to call her, and she, of course, would never make the first move. I asked Tab how he would feel if I invited her for dinner on Sunday night, and he said, "It's up to you."

To be honest, it has been kind of a relief to know that she wasn't going to be dropping in this month. One of the things about Stephanie that irritates both Tab and me is her constant interference in how we raise our kids. I don't mind her offering advice, but she always does it in a way that implies that we are inept parents. What's more, if we don't follow her advice, she takes it as a personal affront, as if we were insulting her as a mother.

Sometimes I think she considers the boys her children instead of ours.

Last week, Tab's cousin Lorraine asked Tab if he was ever going to speak to his mother again. She said Stephanie told her Tab was mean to her and that she has spent the past few weeks crying. "Did she tell you how she insulted my wife?" he asked Lorraine. "Did she tell you that she doesn't listen to anything I say? Did she tell you that she always criticizes how we raise the boys?"

Lorraine just nodded. Her mother was Stephanie's sister and behaved much the same way toward her as Stephanie does to us.

I feel sorry for my mother-in-law because she is such an unhappy person. I can't imagine what it must be like to go through life always assuming the worst of everyone.

Although I haven't really missed Stephanie this month, I thought it was time to open our door to her again. If nothing else, then at least for the boys' sake. Whatever her other faults, she certainly loves them.

So this morning I called her. When I invited her for dinner, she asked in a subdued voice, "Is it OK?" I suppose she was afraid Tab might throw her out if she showed up. I assured her that we would all like to see her. I asked if she'd like to talk to the twins, who were working on their letters.

"Hi, Babci," Stephen said when I handed the phone to him. "You know what, Babci? I really miss Maine Nana."

Ouch. Maine Nana is my mother. Stephanie probably thinks I put Stephen up to that.

Fortunately, Matthew happily talked to her and didn't say anything inadvertently hurtful. When I got back on the phone with Stephanie, we talked about the weather and other innocuous topics. Then I told her we were looking forward to seeing her on Sunday, and we said goodbye.

Later, Tab told me something else his mother had discussed with Lorraine. Apparently, Stephanie thinks it is disgraceful for me to go to Maine by myself to see my family, leaving Tab "all alone with the kids," in her words. "He doesn't seem to mind," Lorraine had answered Stephanie.

I have gone to Maine by myself exactly four weekends in the past three years, for no more than three nights each time. I stay home with the boys all day long and work late at night on my freelance jobs to help make ends meet. But according to Stephanie, I am not entitled even to a small break once or twice a year.

It's a good thing for her I heard this little tidbit after I invited her over. I might have let her stew for another month, if I had known!

<<previous : email me : index : next>>