Blah

Today was not a good day.

This morning I felt so tired. My head was foggy, and all I wanted to do was lie on the couch and take a nap. Of course, I couldn't. The twins were bored with coloring and came into the living room looking for entertainment. They quickly sized up my slug-like demeanor and realized that they weren't going to get much out of me.

"Can we go to Wegmans?" Matthew asked.

Sounded good to me. Maybe a large cup of coffee would wake me up. So off we went. The day was warm, but it was overcast and grey, perfectly matching my mood. Spring can't come soon enough for me.

I did feel a little better after the caffeine hit, but the improvement was temporary. Daniel, too, seemed despondent when we picked him up this afternoon.

"What's wrong, Dans?"

"I couldn't read my book to the class. First Miss Dawn said I could, but then she changed her mind."

Daniel had brought his Hill of Fire book into school today. It is the level 3 reader I bought for him at Borders yesterday. He had read it to us in the car this morning and had wanted to share it with the other kids in his class.

"Well, Miss Dawn probably ran out of time. Maybe she'll let you read it to the class on Monday."

Daniel was not willing to be consoled. He moped for the rest of the evening. Then he and Stephen started bickering in the car while we were driving to Princeton to pick up Tab.

"Cut it out, guys," I said, my limited patience wearing thin.

Daniel became quiet but continued to express his displeasure with his brother nonverbally.

"Stop it, Daniel! Mama, Daniel's making faces at me."

"Well, don't turn around and look at him, then," I snapped.

"Daniel, stop it! Daniel!!!"

"You stop it, Stephen! Just stop complaining. I'm sick of it, do you hear me? Sick of it!" I screamed.

My hands were shaking on the wheel. I hate yelling, and I hate the fact that I so often feel driven to it. At that minute, I even hated the boys for making me yell at them.

There was a moment of silence from the car, then Stephen, who just won't give up sometimes, complained, "But he's making faces at me!"

I yanked the car wheel abruptly to the right, pulling the car over to the side of the road. I turned on the hazard lights and put the car into park.

"Now," I said, making my voice as soft and deliberate as I could manage. "We're going to stay here until you guys shape up. I'm not going to drive with you arguing in the car."

"But, Daniel--"

"I don't want to hear it. I have my book; I can stay here reading all night if that's what you want."

"I'm not being bad," Matthew reminded me. He can be a bit of a goody two shoes sometimes; Tab worries that this trait of Matthew's will probably cause him to get beaten up in playgrounds on a regular basis.

"No," I agreed. "But you're stuck with us, Matthew." I opened my book and turned on the dome light to read.

"Mama! Daddy will be waiting!" Stephen whined.

"Are you ready to behave? No more complaints about Daniel?"

"Yeah."

" 'Yes, Mama,' is the right answer," I said.

"Yes, Mama."

"And you, Daniel? No more arguing with Stephen, right?" I glanced in the rearview mirror. Daniel was hunched in his seat with the hood of his jacket pulled down nearly over his eyes. He grunted almost inaudibly.

"I didn't hear you," I prompted.

"YES, MAMA!" he shouted.

I chose to overlook his tone and drove on.

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