Bad Parrot Dream

I had a revelation last night.

It has always bothered me that, whenever I get angry at Tab, his response is to get mad at me. It seems unfair and manipulative; it makes me reluctant to express my angry feelings. Last night it finally occurred to me that I'm guilty of similar behavior.

Tab was angered by an off-the-cuff remark I made, but for awhile he wouldn't tell me why he was mad. I became despondent and remained that way long after he stopped being mad. It was only later, after we'd made up, that I realized that my response to Tab's anger is melancholy and gloom. In my own way, I am being just as manipulative as Tab is when he gets angry at me for being mad at him.

Did you follow that?

I know the solution is for both of us to learn to respond differently. We need to listen to each other's anger without letting it trigger emotional responses in ourselves. Knowing how we should behave and actually behaving that way are two very different things, of course.

Tab and I were watching The Sopranos last night when we heard Matthew crying in his room. I went upstairs and found him in the throes of a bad dream. He was sobbing hysterically and crying out, "Mama! Mama!" The poor little guy was almost inconsolable.

I rubbed his back while murmuring comforting words. He continued to cry even after I picked him up and held him for awhile. After a long time, his sobs finally subsided to an occasional hiccup. I helped him lie back down, covered him up, gave him another kiss, and left. He was okay for the rest of the night.

Tab occasionally has nightmares, but of all our boys, only Matthew seems to have inherited that tendency. This morning I asked Matthew if he remembered his bad dream. He said he dreamed that a parrot was loose in the house and flying around. "I thought you were the parrot!" he said. No wonder I had trouble comforting him.

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