Customer Service

A WOMAN dials an 11-digit phone number. The phone rings, then DEREK answers.

DEREK

Hi, this is Derek, Bell Atlantic trouble line. What is the number you're reporting in trouble?

WOMAN

It's three six two ninety one hundred. It's the access number for Concentric, my internet service provider. The number isn't actually in trouble. I just can't reach it from my home. The phone rings but there's no connection, no ring, no busy signal, nothing.

DEREK

One moment while I check....Ma'am, that number is not a working number.

WOMAN

No, wait, it is too a working number. There's just a problem in the routing between my home and the number. The same problem happened last week, and someone from your office fixed it.

DEREK

Ma'am, I don't know what to tell you. That number is not a working number.

WOMAN

That's crazy. I've been calling that number for almost three years now. I was connected with my ISP as recently as two hours ago, for heaven's sake!

DEREK

It says here it's not a working number.

WOMAN

If it were not a working number, I should get SOMETHING, shouldn't I? A ring and a message that I have dialed a non-working number, that sort of thing? But I get NOTHING when I dial that number. There's no connection at all.

DEREK

Well, the computer says it's a non-working number.

WOMAN

Oh, for crying out loud. May I speak to your supervisor?

DEREK

Certainly.

Long pause.

NEIL

Hi, this is Neil Anderson. How can I help you?

WOMAN

Has Derek explained the problem to you?

NEIL

He said you needed someone to tell you that the number is not working.

WOMAN

No, that is NOT what I need! I need someone to fix the routing problem! Look, I had the same problem last week: the modem dials but there is no connection made: no ring, no busy signal, just dead air. The same thing happens when I dial using my voice line, so it's not the modem.

NEIL

Maybe what you need to do is get a new ISP.

WOMAN

Huh? I've had the same ISP for two and a half years and never had a problem until last week, and that turned out to be YOUR problem, a problem with the phone lines!

NEIL

It sounds like it might be a problem between our lines and your ISP. In that case, you better call your ISP.

WOMAN

But last week when I had the same problem, someone from your office fixed it, a guy named, uh, Robert, I think. He said there were some lines down between here and there and they should have been inactivated, but someone turned them back on accidentally. I know this isn't very technical, but that's basically what he said. Look, can't you just check the records for our account? Maybe Robert made a note in the file.

NEIL

One minute, please.

Pause.

NEIL

OK, I'm seeing something here, but I'm not sure of these technical terms. I still think you'd be better off calling your ISP just to check that the problem isn't on their end.

WOMAN

Oh, all right. Thanks for ALL your help.

NEIL

Thank you for calling Bell Atlantic.

WOMAN dials Concentric's customer service number.

JANE

Concentric Customer Service, this is Jane, how may I help you?

WOMAN

Hi, Jane. Could you check my access number to make sure it's still in service? I'm having trouble getting through.

JANE

Sure, what's the number?

WOMAN

It's area code six oh nine three six two ninety one hundred.

JANE

I'm going to put you on hold. Just a minute.

Pause.

JANE

I was able to get through without any trouble.

WOMAN

That's what I thought. I had the same problem last week, and it turned out to be a phone company problem, which they fixed. It happened again today, though, and the person I talked to there wanted me to check with you folks.

JANE

Everything's OK on our end.

WOMAN

OK, thanks. Bye.

JANE

Goodbye.

WOMAN calls her HUSBAND at work.

WOMAN

Hey. Remember last week when I couldn't connect to Concentric. Well, it's happened again. I tried calling Bell Atlantic and some nimrod named Derek tried to tell me that it was a non-working number.

HUSBAND

You should ask to speak to a supervisor.

WOMAN

I DID. You know what the supervior suggested? "You should get another ISP." As if! Do you remember the name of the guy I spoke to last week? It was Robert, wasn't it?

HUSBAND

It was Bob. I told you you should have gotten a last name.

WOMAN

Well Bob-Robert-Whatever-His-Name-Is made a note in the file about the problem, but Neil the supervisor didn't understand it. He said it was Concentric's problem. I called Concentric and, of course, everything's fine on their end.

HUSBAND

Just tell them what Bob told you last week about the malfunctioning lines being accidentally turned on.

WOMAN

I TRIED telling the idiot supervisor that, but he didn't get it. Kept insisting that it was Concentric's problem.

HUSBAND

Call back, and if you don't get any satisfaction, ask to talk to HIS supervisor.

WOMAN

I dunno. I think the higher you get up the food chain, the less they know, sometimes. Like the pointy-haired boss in Dilbert. Maybe I should just try this all over again with someone new. Well, I'll talk to you later. Bye.

HUSBAND

Bye.

WOMAN calls Bell Atlantic again. AMY, another Bell Atlantic worker, answers.

AMY

Hi, this is Amy, Bell Atlantic trouble line. What is the phone number you're reporting in trouble?

WOMAN

Well, the phone number isn't actually in trouble. I reported this problem last week, and it was fixed. But now it's back again. Maybe you could check the file under my account number and see if there is any information there.

Pause.

AMY

OK, I see the problem. It looks like the technician made some notes here. I'll send it back to the technicians, and they should be able to fix it again for you. The latest it should be fixed is twenty-four hours from now.

WOMAN

Oh, thank you! In case I need to talk to you again, what is your last name?

AMY

Grant.

WOMAN

Amy Grant? Like the singer? You must hear a lot of jokes!

AMY

Yeah, I do!

WOMAN

Thanks for your help, Amy. Good-bye.

AMY

Bye.

One hour later, the problem was solved.

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