Something About Stephanie

I had planned to have lunch with my friend Liz this afternoon, so I'd asked my mother-in-law to watch the twins. Actually, this is the lunch date that I'd had to postpone when Stephen got sick last Tuesday.

I assumed Stephanie would be taking the boys out to lunch as she usually does. I'd asked her to arrive at 12 o'clock, figuring that even if she was as late as usual, I'd still have time to meet Liz at 1. When she arrived twenty minutes late, she announced that she wasn't taking the boys out, after all.

"Well, I wish you'd told me ahead of time so I could have given them lunch before you got here. I don't want to be late," I said, grabbing the loaf of bread and jar of peanut butter. I'm not usually this rude to Stephanie, though I often feel like snapping at her.

"I'll make their lunch," Stephanie said.

"It's peanut butter. I know you don't like the fact that they eat it, but that's what they like for lunch."

"I never said I didn't want them to eat peanut butter!"

"Yes, you did. Miss Jean told me some time ago that you thought it was terrible that I feed the boys peanut butter."

"I never said such a thing!"

"Then Miss Jean was lying? Why would she lie?"

"I don't know, but I would never say that. I just can't do anything right for you, can I?" she said.

"Please don't start that again. I don't appreciate you criticizing me to the neighbors, and I really hate it when you're late. We've talked about this before. If you're going to be late, at least call and let me know. How hard is it to pick up the phone and say, 'I'm running twenty minutes behind, but I'm leaving now'?"

She had no response to this. Really, what could she say? She knows she is chronically late; her friends have complained about it, too.

I left the house fuming, as angry with myself for losing my temper as with Stephanie. The thing is, I knew she would be late. That is why I told her to arrive a half hour before I needed her. As for the peanut butter issue...well, although I'm sure Stephanie did say what Miss Jean claimed she said, she has no doubt forgotten all about it by now. It was more than a year ago, after all. So why did I bring it up today?

It's just something about Stephanie.

There are people in my life who inspire me to be a better person: my sons, who evoke powerful maternal love and nurturing; my grandmother, who always made me feel as "welcome as the flowers in May," as she used to say; even the friends who challenge me intellectually. And then there's Stephanie, whose chronic lateness, bigoted ignorance, and opinionated harangues bring out the worst in me: feelings of impatience and irritation and anger. I hate feeling this way.

By the time I returned from lunch, both of us had calmed down. We had a cordial discussion about the boys and about other family members. I even invited her to come see the boys' swimming lesson with us tomorrow, and she said she would. Before she left, I apologized to her for losing my temper, but I did remind her that her lateness is something that bothers me.

Conversation in the Car

"When I grow up, I'm going to marry William," Stephen announced. William is a boy a little older than Stephen, who is in the pre-K class at Daniel's school. Stephen has a sort of crush on William, whom he calls "my best friend."

"Boys can't marry boys," Daniel responded scornfully.

"When I grow up, I'm going to marry Mama!" Matthew said.

"You can't. By the time you grow up, she will be, like, dead," said Daniel.

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