A Smile is Not Enough

Where does a parent draw the line between encouragement and pushing? And does the placement of that line vary, depending on the temperament of the child? These are the questions I have been wrestling with ever since yesterday's swimming lesson.

After five lessons in this current session, Stephen is still at level 1. And I hate to admit it, but it bothers me.

Tab, who gives the boys their baths, had been practicing with Stephen all week. Stephen learned he could put his head under the water in the tub without holding his nose and announced that he would do his ten bobs at his next lesson, thus moving up to level 2. He missed Saturday's lesson because he was sick but was excited to go to the Sunday morning class.

Unfortunately, Ch'han, Daniel's level 1 instructor when he started last year, is recovering from surgery and has been sitting out this session. Ch'han excelled at giving her young students the confidence they need without coddling them. For the past two weekends Ch'han has been in attendance, advising the other instructors from the side of the pool, but this weekend she was absent. If she had been there, yesterday might have turned out differently.

Stephen and the other two level 1 kids had two instructors, an experienced teacher and a brand new one. The experienced teacher was working with the other two kids so Stephen ended up with the novice. She tried to get Stephen to bob a few times, but he kept making the same mistake most kids make in the beginning: bending at the waist to get his head under water rather than bending his knees to submerge himself fully. Instead of teaching him the right way to do it, his instructor seemed to give up the attempt. She spent the rest of the lesson carrying him around in the pool, letting him play with various floating toys.

Meanwhile, Daniel had announced before his lesson that he intended to graduate from level 4 to level 5 that day. About midway through the lesson he did just that. And Matthew, who moved to level 2 last week, was learning to float on his back. Whenever his teacher was working with the other two kids in his group, he would practice his bobs by the side of the pool.

Stephen, of course, was having a great time playing with his teacher. He giggled and flirted with her, while I sat watching them and fuming.

"Why doesn't she work on his bobs?" I muttered to Tab. "He's not like those other two kids; he's not afraid of the water."

"Ch'han will be back next week. Don't worry, she won't let him laze around," Tab said.

That's true. The next six-lesson class begins next weekend, and Ch'han is supposed to be back in the water then. Still, I hated to think of today's lesson being totally wasted.

"This is driving me nuts! Do you think we should say something to Lauri? Tell her that he's ready to work on his bobs?" Lauri is the director of the swimming program. She walks around the pool, observing the instructors and is the one who decides when a student is ready to move up a level.

"If Ch'han isn't here next week, we'll say something to Lauri. Just let it go for now," Tab advised.

But I couldn't let it go. I watched Stephen, who was having fun but learning nothing. I took his very enjoyment as a personal affront.

"Go down to the other end and watch Daniel for awhile," Tab told me. "You're getting too worked up over this."

"But it's a waste! A waste of Stephen's time and our money!"

I sat there in a bad mood until the end of the session. When Stephen got out of the pool I was annoyed with him though it really wasn't his fault.

"Daniel moved up to level 5, did you know that, Stephen?" I said. "And Matthew is doing great on level 2. I bet he'll be moving to level 3 soon."

Stephen's happy smile faded from his face, and he remained pensive while I helped him shower and dress in the locker room. My irritation faded while we were waiting for Tab to finish with Daniel and Matthew. I held Stephen on my lap and told him that I knew he'd tried his best to bob when his teacher asked him to. I said that at the lesson next week, the teacher would probably spend more time working on his bobs and that soon he would be joining Matthew in level 2.

I know it wasn't fair of me to blame Stephen for the waste of this lesson. He does have a tendency to take the easy way out, however, which concerns me. Daniel is highly self-motivated. He sets goals for himself and achieves them. Matthew, who still worships me, works hard to please. Stephen is Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky. I worry about him, sometimes. I want him to know the value of self-discipline and hard work. I don't want him to grow up thinking he can get by simply on his charm and his sunny smile.

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