Freud Was Wrong about that Envy Thing

The weather is lovely today, but it is supposed to rain the rest of the week. I wanted to take advantage of today's sunny skies so after our reading lesson this morning, I took Matthew and Stephen out for a ride on their training wheel bikes. They suit up in their helmets, knee pads, and elbow pads; considering how often they fall off their bikes, the protection is certainly warranted.

Once upon a time walks with the twins used to be leisurely strolls, no faster than their little legs could move. Now I practically have to trot to keep up with the boys on their wheels. They like to pedal as quickly as they can; God help the unwary pedestrian approaching from the opposite direction.

When we got home the boys still wanted to bike some more, so I grabbed my book and went out onto the front porch to sit and read while they sped up and down the sidewalk. A few minutes later, I heard a crash as Matthew hit the fence of Mr. Byron's house, a few doors down, followed by a loud wail: "My penis! I hurt my penis!" Matthew appeared at the porch clutching his crotch.

I took him inside to examine the damage. I'm still not sure exactly how he did it, but he did indeed have a small scratch on his penis. Otherwise everything looked fine. I put some Johnson's wound protectant cream on it and gave him a hug. I thought once again that I'm so lucky not to be male: having one's most sensitive organs just dangling out there in front can be a terrible liability.

When we arrived at Daniel's school, I heard Matthew announce to the other kids in the class, "I fell off my bike and hurt my penis!" I turned around in time to see him pulling his pants down to show everyone. You could never accuse my kids of being too modest.

Matthew's injury evidently brought the topic of penises to Stephen's mind today.

"Mama, do ladies have penises?" he asked.

"No, ladies don't have penises," I answered.

"Well, when do they get them?"

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