Making Friends

I took Stephen and Matthew to the library for our semi-weekly supply of books. The twins are going through a Clifford phase; every time we visit the library, they pick out another couple of books about Clifford, the big red dog. I'm not crazy about this series, but the boys love Clifford so I let them borrow the books. I keep thinking that eventually we will have read all of the Clifford books, but the twins manage to find new ones each time.

On the way into the library I ran in to a woman that I knew from a parenting group to which I had belonged nearly five years ago when the twins were infants. The group was for mothers of babies up to six months of age. Mary had a baby girl a few months younger than the twins. We struck up a friendship based on a few things in common; she lived about a mile away from me, and she too was debating about whether to return to work when her maternity leave was up.

I left the group when the twins reached six months. Mary and I had exchanged phone numbers, and we talked on the phone a few times. We made tentative plans to get together but we never managed to do so. Then we stopped calling and the friendship--such as it was--petered out.

Over the past few years we've run into each other a few times, at the supermarket, the playground, and the library. The first time was at a store, a couple of months after I'd left the group. We chatted for as long as our children would allow, again exchanged phone numbers, and talked about getting together. We never did. A few years later we met up again. She recognized me first; she looked familiar but I couldn't remember how I knew her until she came up and talked to me. That time we didn't bother making empty promises. Since then, whenever I've run into Mary, we've smiled, exchanged a few words of greeting, and then parted.

I feel vaguely sad about this. The older I get, the harder it seems to make lasting friendships. In fact, I haven't made any new, good friends since turning 30. I realize that my personal circumstances have a lot to do with it, but it doesn't help that I'm reserved by nature. I'm still close to all my old friends, but only two of them live near me. Everyone else is scattered all over the country.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit lonely.

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