Follow Through

4:30 p.m. I'm at the public library right now, enjoying a few minutes of peace and quiet in an otherwise hectic afternoon. The boys are attending their weekly session of story time. I am at a table in front of the activity room; through the thin walls behind me I can hear Mrs. Fischer, the children's librarian, reading a book about a leprechaun. When the story is over, she'll direct them in a craft project, something with shamrocks, no doubt. Story time usually has some sort of timely theme. Last week, they read two Dr. Seuss books and made green eggs and ham in honor of Theodore Geisel's birthday on March 2.

We almost didn't make it here, thanks to a lost remote control. A few days ago, the remote to the VCR went missing. I blamed Daniel for the loss because the boys had been watching The Lion King on Sunday, and Daniel likes to fast forward over the credits and rewind and replay some of the funny parts. He's supposed to return the remote to the top of the entertainment center, but he often forgets. Tab, who stayed home from work yesterday and today with a sinus infection, insisted the boys look for it after they finished their homework.

I was mixing up a meatloaf in the kitchen while the boys searched the living room. Matthew groused because wanted to be coloring. Daniel and Stephen squabbled over the use of the flashlight.

"Mama! Stephen's shining the flashlight in my eyes!"

"I'm looking!" yelled Stephen.

"Not if you're shining the light in Daniel's face, you're not," I called back.

The remote still hadn't turned up by the time we were ready to leave for the library. This didn't sit well with Tab.

"OK, then, you're going to look for it when you come home, Daniel" he announced. "And you won't go to bed until you find it."

Now, one of the parenting principles I hold very strongly is that of follow through. In other words, you don't make idle threats; if you say something will happen, you carry it out. Kids learn very quickly that you mean what you say. Conversely, if you don't follow through, your kids will have no incentive to obey. I don't know how many times I have overheard a mother at the playground say, "If you keep on doing that, Michael, we're going to leave!" Ten minutes later she will still be yelling, "Cut it out, Michael, or we're going to leave! I mean it!" No she doesn't, and Michael knows it .

So it really bothers me when Tab utters extreme ultimatums like the one today. I don't want Daniel to stay up late looking for the blasted remote, and neither, I think, does Tab; but by making such a threat, he has boxed us into a corner.

I took my coat off and said, "Come on boys. We're going to find the remote."

Tab insisted that we go on to the library. "By helping them, you're just enabling them. They'll keep on losing things."

"Well, they weren't having any luck looking before, and since I don't want Daniel to stay up late, I'll help them find it."

I shone the flashlight behind one side of the entertainment center and found the sleeve to Back to the Future, which had been lost for months. On the other side of the entertainment center, I found the missing remote.

"Found it, guys!"

"Yeah!"

"Thanks, Mama!

"Can we still go to the library?" Matthew asked.

It was already three minutes after story time was supposed to start, but I reasoned that Mrs. Fischer usually starts a little late.

"OK, let's go." And we flew out the door, making it here in ten minutes.

Thinking it over, I can understand Tab's frustration. He's still feeling sick and he's also stressed about the work he's missing. And I, too, get annoyed when the boys don't put back their things. In this case, however, Daniel was probably not at fault. Most likely he had put the remote back where it belonged, but somehow it was jostled and fell off.

I hope that an hour or more of peace and quiet while we're out of the house will help Tab feel better.

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