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2/18/1999 FEMALEPouring rain this morning. It could be worse; it could be snow. The weather folks are forecasting a possible storm this weekend. The weather kept the boys and me indoors this morning. I had thought about going to the supermarket, but I didn't relish the idea of getting all of us and our groceries soaked. So we stayed in, watched PBS (them), played on the computer (me), and read books (all of us). 10:30 p.m. Tonight I attended my first meeting of the local chapter of FEMALE, Formerly Employed Mothers at the Leading Edge. The acronym used to stand for Formerly Employed Mothers at Loose Ends, a more appropriate name, in my opinion. It's a support and advocacy group for women who have chosen to put their careers on hold to stay home with their children. The local group meets twice a month and also sponsors monthly "Mom & Tots" outings and occasional "Mom's Night Out" events and coordinates playgroups. I've been thinking about attending one of their meetings for some time. Most of my friends with children work, and I'm beginning to feel very isolated here at home. Even so, I became nervous this afternoon about the prospect of going to the meeting. I began thinking about blowing it off and instead going to see Elizabeth, which has returned to an area theater after winning several Academy Award nominations. But I had told Tab about the FEMALE group, and he encouraged me to go, saying the movie would be here next week. I wish I wouldn't worry so much about what kind of impression I make on people. I think that insecurity is behind a lot of my shyness. It was a small group of women; only about nine or ten. One other was new to the group, too. We met at a day care center, and because there were no chairs we had to sit on the floor. The meeting topic was "Depression"; usually they have a speaker, but tonight one of the co-leaders talked about her experiences with depression and recovery. Most of her material came from a book she had found helpful in dealing with her depression. I thought the discussion afterward was more interesting than her presentation, particularly when we began talking about anger and its relation to depression. One of the women there recommended a book, "The Dance of Anger," which she said gave her insight into the patterns of anger in her relationships and techniques for changing those patterns. The question and answer period was conducted in an interesting fashion. Everyone was handed an index card on which to write a question. The leader then mixed the cards up and read each of in turn. I thought this was a good way of enabling members to ask questions of a sensitive nature without being embarrassed. One person's question was "How do my husband and I teach our daughter to be rely on her own resources instead of looking to us for approval?" One woman had an interesting comment to this question: "Why is it that we think of self-reliance, which is seen as a typically male trait, as more admirable than cooperation and getting along with others, which is viewed as more typically female?" Good point, I thought. Another question came up about getting kids to sleep through the night. One woman said it took five weeks for her to transition her then 14-month-daughter from sleeping with her and her husband in their bed to sleeping in a crib in a different room. "And then, once you get them to sleep through the night, you have to go through it all again in another couple months." Everyone nodded sagely. I didn't want to speak up; I think I would have been kicked out of the meeting if I told them that all three of my boys were sleeping 12 hours at night by the age of 9 months and never wake up in the middle of the night unless they are sick. The meeting lasted for two hours, which was a long time to be seated cross legged on the floor with nothing supporting my back. I must be getting old.
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