3/2/1999
Tuesday

Remorse

2:40 p.m. Yesterday my neck was feeling so much better, I didn't bother putting the heating pad on it. I paid for it later, though. By the time we left Marie and Thomas's house last night, my neck and back were feeling sore again. I took two ibuprofen tablets and rested on the heating pad in bed before we turned out the light, but it was too little, too late. By this time I was in a lot of pain. No matter which way I turned, I couldn't get comfortable. It was a long time before I could finally fall asleep.

Tab took today off from work so that he could continue painting the kitchen trim. He keeps reminding me to take periodic breaks on the couch with the heating pad. I don't want to repeat yesterday's experience, so I comply.


6:20 p.m. Since he was off, Tab took Daniel to school this morning. Miss Dawn, Daniel's teacher, stopped Tab on the way in and asked him, "What happened to Daniel this weekend?"

Tab, not knowing what she was talking about, answered, "Well, he went to Discovery Zone."

Miss Dawn said, "He suddenly started reading yesterday. He read a paragraph out of one of our books. I thought maybe he had memorized it, so I tried him on something he had never seen before, and he could read that, too."

Tab told her that he's been doing that at home for some time now. For instance, when Daniel signed the valentine card Tab had bought for the kids to give me, Daniel read most of it by himself. He recognizes many of the more commonly used words, and can sound out some of the other words he doesn't know.

The thing is, I've told Dawn this several times, as recently as our parent/teacher conference a few weeks ago. Maybe she didn't believe what I was telling her until she saw it for herself. Today, Miss Dawn asked Daniel to read Go, Dog, Go to his class, and he did, asking for help only on a few of the longer words. Right now he is upstairs reading that book to Stephen.


8:45 p.m. As I was getting the twins ready for bed, I told them that we were going to story time at the library tomorrow. Matthew began insisting that he didn't want to go. When I asked him why not, he said he didn't want to sing the songs. I told him he didn't have to sing, but he kept repeating, "I don't want to go to story time! I don't want to sing those stupid songs!" He became more and more worked up about it, until he was crying. I tried cajoling him, to no avail, and when I lost patience, I just snapped at him that he could stay in the car and Stephen and I would go to story time.

He was crying as we went upstairs. I was so annoyed with him that I refused to rock him in the rocking chair in their room, even though we have a deal that if they take a good nap, I'll rock them before bed. I left their room still mad, but I didn't go downstairs right away. Instead, I stood outside their closed door and listened to their conversation.

"Hold my hand, Reno," Matthew sobbed. "You love me, Reno?"

"Yes. Matthew, you love me?"

"Yes," he said, crying.

"Matthew, you love Mama?"

"Yes."

"You love Daddy?"

"Yes. Reno, Mama didn't rock me." Half choked sob. "Tomorrow, I take good nap, Mama rock me."

"Yes"

My irritation melted away. I regretted being so angry with him and for allowing myself to retaliate in such a petty manner. I walked back in their room, told Matthew I was sorry for getting mad at him, and rocked him for a long while.



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