Beautiful weather today, sunny and nearly 50 deg. The snow is melting fast.

Watching: The new trailer for Phantom Menace which I downloaded this weekend. Wow! Based on this preview, the effects will be brilliant; we can't wait for the movie. Daniel, who has been a Star Wars fan since he was 3, is entranced, too.

Playing: Reader Rabbit Preschool. Trying it out this afternoon after installing it for the kiddies. The computer is the best carrot we've found for getting the twins to take a nap in the afternoon. No nap, no computer time!

Stephanie Scare

11:25 a.m. Tab was still in a bad mood this morning, a carry over from the problems of yesterday compounded by his recurring feelings of despair and futility. Difficulties bring out his tendency toward pessimism and negativity, which makes life unpleasant for those of us around him. I wish I could change him, make him happy, but I know that power is beyond me.

Tab upset me so much this morning that I had to escape to the cellar to cry for a little bit before I could compose myself to face the day. Whether it was because of my crying, or the cold, or lack of sleep for the past few days, I developed a horrendous headache on the drive in to Princeton. I took a couple of tablets of ibuprofen that we had in the glove compartment, and by the time I got home with the twins I was feeling better. Now my head is fine, and my cold isn't bothering me much either. Better living through pharmaceuticals.

2:30 p.m. We had a bit of excitement here today. At about 1 p.m., Stephanie's friend, Barbara, called here because she had become worried about Stephanie. Barbara had been trying to reach her since yesterday afternoon, but the phone had been ringing busy. I called Stephanie's neighbor, Rose, and asked her to knock on the door to find out if something was wrong with Stephanie's phone. Rose called me back ten minutes later to tell me, in a worried voice, that Stephanie's car was in the driveway but that she was not coming to the front or back doors even though Rose had pounded on them.

I had called Tab after I first called Rose to alert him to the situation, so I told Rose I would call her back after conferring with Tab. He thought Rose should call the police to break the door down, so I called her back and asked her to do so.

At this point I was expecting bad news. Stephanie, though in very good health, is 72 years old. I thought the best-case scenario would be that she had injured herself and knocked the phone off the hook while trying to call for help. I didn't want to let myself think about the worst-case possibility, but I couldn't help it. I thought about how hard it would be to tell Daniel the news. I wondered how we would cope with going through her stuff and selling her house. Her house is filled with tchotchkes, photographs, and paperwork in various stages of completion; sorting it all out would be a nightmare.

Most of all I was feeling guilty. I wondered if she knew that I love her. We have had our differences and conflict over the years, mostly regarding the children. She tends to be over-protective of them, and she is quick to take offense where none is intended, but I know that she is a good-hearted person and that she loves us.

In the midst of these ruminations of regret, Rose called back to say Stephanie was fine. Rose had gone back over there to await the arrival of the police, so she tried knocking at the door again and this time was greeted by Stephanie. Stephanie's phone was out of order, unbeknownst to her, and she was in the shower when Rose first stopped by. Who takes a shower at 1 o'clock in the afternoon?

When I called him with the good news, Tab confessed that he, too, was expecting the worst. He was already figuring out when we would have to hold the funeral since he is doing a wedding on Saturday that he couldn't back out of. His other comment was, "This is another reason to combine households." While I appreciate his point, that idea makes me very nervous.

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