No Security

On Display March Collab: Security

I was walking across my college campus when the thought flashed into my head: I am alone. Not just alone in the literal sense, although I was by myself at the time. Nor alone in the romantic sense, although I was between lovers, so that was true, too. But fundamentally alone. Alone in that no one else will ever completely understand me. Alone in that, no matter how much I love or am loved by someone, that person could be taken from me without warning.

There are no guarantees. For anything. Anyone.

The thought hit me hard, actually knocking me backward a few steps. I stumbled over to a nearby tree and sank down, my back to the trunk. I closed my eyes and rested against the rough bark.

How could I have lived nearly twenty years without realizing the fragility, the insecurity of life? And how could I bring myself to love anyone again, now that I knew?

I got over it, of course. Fear of loss is not a reason to deny love when it comes. But I've never forgotten that there is no security in life or love. Any security we think we've achieved is an illusion.

Nevertheless, I have spent the past seven years trying to make my sons feel as safe and secure as possible. I want them to believe what I no longer can: The people who love you will never leave you. Nothing bad will ever happen to them or to you. Love is forever.

One day, not for many years, I hope, my sons will realize otherwise. In the meantime I pray that they rest secure in my love for them.

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