Life's Work

I wasn't supposed to be here, you know. I wasn't supposed to be the frazzled woman in the minivan hauling her sons from playdates to swimming practice.

I wasn't supposed to be the woman with hair pulled back into an untidy ponytail, scrubbing away at a dried blob of strawberry jam on the kitchen counter.

I wasn't supposed to spend most of the hours of my days keeping three young children fed, clothed, exercised, entertained, and mentally stimulated.

I wasn't supposed to live in a too-small house surrounded by the chaos and clutter of family life, books and toys underfoot, crumbs under the kitchen table, and clothes that never quite make it into the hamper.

Here's where I imagined myself: in a spare, elegant apartment in the city, surrounded by books and a cat or two. Lots of blond wood and white walls adorned with Klimt prints. I saw a successful, rewarding career, a small circle of close friends, and an ardent lover, who did not--and this is important--live with me. I valued my privacy and independence too much ever to sacrifice them on the altar of domesticity.

(Ha.)

No, I never expected the life I have now. Most of all, I didn't expect to love it so.

My mission is to raise three worthy human beings, boys who I hope will grow into compassionate, intelligent, strong men. I am trying to foster their creativity, to instill in them a love of books, and to encourage them to notice and appreciate the glories of nature.

Daniel is in first grade now, and the boundaries of his world are expanding beyond our home. But I am still the sun and moon and stars to his younger brothers, Matthew and Stephen. I am the first person they see when they wake up in the morning and the last person to kiss them goodnight at bedtime. The months until they enter kindergarten are rapidly dwindling, making the rhythm of our days together all the more precious to me.

Motherhood requires self-sacrifice, compassion, diplomacy, intelligence, organization, and boundless love. It is the only job I've ever held for which I have been underqualified. It's not easy, and it's certainly not always fun. I have to give so much of myself during the day that sometimes I go to bed at night feeling like a dried out husk. Yet the next morning, the sight of those eager young faces rejuvenates me.

I am truly blessed.

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