There is no furniture in this house you've just bought so we lie on the floor on top of an open sleeping bag. Turning over on my side, I study the contours of your face. The bedroom is dimly lit by a candle in a glass lamp; flickering light and shadow play over you, and your face in repose looks like a boy's. I think about what has just passed between us. | |
pleasure beyond pleasure visions in my head white snowflakes in a black sky snowflakes in july a feeling I've never known before | |
I arise and drift downstairs to the bathroom, feeling weightless. I look in the mirror; my face looks different to me. It is lit from within like a flame in a glass. I laugh out loud at the wonder of it. | |
you have lit the fire within me changed me forever I am transfigured | |
Tomorrow I will leave you and fly North. As I board the plane, my thighs will ache, a tangible reminder of our lovemaking. I will smile a little, remembering. My smile will disappear as the plane carries me further and further away from you. | |
pain unrelenting pain in leaving you my home is no longer my home my home is with you | |
Back in your room, the candle is nearly burnt out. I kneel beside you and begin tracing your hairline. I stroke your forehead, smooth your eyebrows, touch your eyelashes. Whirled ears, straight nose, beard-rough cheeks, surprisingly soft lips: my hand moves over every inch of your face and then moves downward. "What are you doing?" you whisper. |
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| up down smooth hairy over under all around I learn the ins and outs of you | |
In the lonely weeks between our visits my fingers will remember your topography. Alone in my Portland apartment, I will crave the touch of your skin on my skin, your mouth on my mouth, your hands on my body. I will cry with unfulfilled longing and need. | |
want you here now above me beside me below me within me now hug myself to still the pain empty hollow lost without you a hunger unslaked a thirst unquenched who knew desire was a drug? | |
This night has changed me forever though I don't yet know that as I lie beside you. From desire will come love. From love, a marriage and a family. New lives have their genesis here: yours and mine together and three others yet unborn. But all I know now is that I want you again and again. | |
longing for your touch need you want you yearning hungering fill me | |
On Display collaboration, July 1999. Posted 7/15/99. Jabberwocky On Display Collabs | |